On Bringing Children Who Don’t Understand to the Sacraments
Quite a firestorm erupted recently, over a post from a pastor on the East Coast. His point was to explain why his parish invests so much in children’s programs. As he made his point, he quoted Nehemiah 8, which speaks about bringing “children old enough to understand” to worship. Herein lies my frustration with this approach to children at Mass, or bringing them to any Sacrament, for that matter.
Most of them probably don’t understand that Sacrament or the full meaning of the readings, and won’t for most of their lives.
I don’t fully understand, and I’m 38 years old.
I was in high school when my theology teacher had us memorize the definition of a sacrament: “an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace”. What is grace? crickets. Understanding grace takes a bit more work. Truthfully, as an adult who attends Mass and Reconciliation regularly, I’m still learning what grace is and what effect God means for it to have in my life. I’m still learning what it means to be open to grace when I participate in the Mass and Sacraments.
Grace is a participation in the life of God. —CCC 1997
Yes, I’m still pondering what it is to participate in the life of God, intellectually and spiritually. If participating in the life of God is like participating in the life of a family, perhaps understanding is actually a result and not a prerequisite of participation. Even my oldest two children, active participants in our family life for more than a decade, don’t fully understand our family traditions, rituals, or choices. And what child or teen does? Even the Christ Child grew in wisdom during his life (see Luke 2:52; CCC 472). My understanding grows with my experience and participation in the life of God; the more I experience, the more I understand (or at the least, hope to understand!).
. . .
I believe children have a place at Mass; they belong there with us, to experience God’s love and learn about Him through the liturgy. Jesus personally welcomed the children, after all. He also taught that unless one receives the Kingdom of God like a child, one will not enter heaven (see Mark 10:13-15). Having children in our midst during liturgy reminds us about this, begs that we return to our childlike faith and wonder, and trust in Him. Without the experience, how can we know? Who will we know?
The Sacraments–brilliant, tangible means Christ gave us to share His graces with us–are probably the best ways we can experience and know God. You bet we can read the Bible, but the Bible doesn’t pour water to wash us, it doesn’t break bread to feed us, it doesn’t lay hands in blessing and forgiveness. The Sacraments do that. The Sacraments are God’s specific tools to touch our humanity.
And children need them just as much as adults do, whether or not they understand fully what is going on.
I’m cultivating a habit of more frequent Confession, and whenever I make the effort to go, I invite my family. If they’re not invited to go, I don’t know if they’d even think about taking advantage of the gift we have in the Sacrament. I want my children to feel welcome and comfortable approaching the Lord in the Sacraments. I want them to feel welcome and active in the family that is the Church. Hopefully, even my awkward invitation, “Hey, I’m headed to Confession! Who wants to come with me?” will slowly settle into their hearts, making it a normal part of our family culture and a regular part of their own lives.
Last week, I let my husband know I wanted to make it to Confession. He and the boys were playing happily outside, after having replaced bearings in the scooters. I didn’t expect any of them to join me (usually, no one comes, except maybe our toddler), but I invited them anyway. I was so pleasantly surprised when they joined me.
Once there, my boys saw a teenage boy in line for Confession, witnessing that even grown boys seek God’s forgiveness. They opened the prayer booklets and read the prayers to prepare for Confession. They daydreamed. They stayed in line with me for an hour while we waited our turns, even when hungry bellies threatened to make them race home for dinner. They let me encourage them to stay, and to offer their waiting for souls in Purgatory. And then, they encountered God in the sacrament of love and mercy. I was nearly moved to tears just being in their patient presence. These two boys, only 3rd and 4th graders, willingly chose to approach Christ for forgiveness, and stuck it out when they grew bored, hungry, restless. They stayed even when the pews filled with Mass-goers, and time threatened to slip away leaving them no chance for the Sacrament before Father needed to leave.
They didn’t need bells and whistles and themed-programming aimed at their maturity level and energy level. They didn’t need anything special “just for kids” to draw them into the encounter with Christ and His mercy. They don’t need to be taken out of Mass for the Liturgy of the Word. They just needed to be invited to come, and to be welcomed there. 
Had I decided not to go, because our time was already being well-spent as a family outdoors, there’s not a chance my boys would have had that experience in the church. Had I not invited them, they wouldn’t have had the opportunity to choose coming with me. Had I stayed away or assumed that it’d take too long, they don’t understand anyway, or even let them go home when their bellies growled for food, my boys would have missed an encounter with Jesus who always welcomes them, is always pursuing them, is always waiting for them (and us!) to approach.
The only thing we need to understand is Love, not all the intellectual, theological points that try to teach us about God. None of those great theological things can explain the mystery of Love. Only an encounter with Love can teach someone Love. And the best way to know Love is frequently seek the One who IS Love. And to seek Him means we must meet Him in the Sacraments, the very means Jesus gave us to be touched by His presence and His love.
I grow in my conviction about this encounter more each year, for my own soul. But now as a mother, I’m more and more convinced that unless I invite my children to join me, to participate in prayer, to encounter Christ in the Sacraments, they won’t encounter Him. No, they won’t understand every detail. No, they may not even have an “emotional” experience. It’s not about that. It’s about being shown that Christ meets us in a very real way in the Sacraments. It’s about inviting them to find Him there. It’s about being part of a community that welcomes them and shows them that we’re all on this journey together, and Christ very much longs to touch our lives, to be part of our lives.
It’s about meeting the God who simply wants to love us, and have us love Him in return.
