My Top 8 Habits to Start Before Kids are Teens
No one has ever asked me, “what should I do before my kids are teens?” but many, many people have asked me, “How do you do it?” as well as “how do you do it all?” What follows are my thoughts about how I “do it {all}” without losing every ounce of my sanity, and how I maintain my personal “space” and identity in the midst of mothering a teen, twee, and several younger kids. Truly, this advice is good for any mom. But once kids are teens, the game changes and suddenly that child growing in independence and responsibility also needs you quite a lot. I mean, heaps. Responsibility and independence grow at the side of Mom, so hang on, ladies. Those toddlers who cried every time you left turn into teens who don’t like hugs but also need you at all hours for advice and food and a healthy dose of reality checks when they’re up too late and not getting homework done.
I’ve grown into some of these habits gradually, without much thought. (coffee, ahem) Others, I’ve spent time intentionally cultivating. Some of these habits are ways I care for myself, so that I can be the best mom (and wife!) I can be. Let’s face it, when I’m cranky, hagard, exhausted, and spiritually empty, I’m my worst self and a terrible wife and mother. Self-care is the real-deal; I’m better for my family when I’m caring for myself. Other habits are for myself as well as intentionally set as an example for my teen. Praying each day? Great for me and a witness to her.
Some habits are formed in order to foster strength of character in my teen, and increase her responsibility.
Starting with prayer as the top habit, all the others are what I’ve found to be particularly key to “doing it all” as a mom and wife. (spoiler: I don’t do it all, anyway)
- Pray. Pray hard, pray constantly, pray alone, pray with family. My favorite ways to start my day in prayer are with the daily Mass readings and the Blessed is She devotions, or with a Bible journaling prayer kit. (I love my Catholic Journaling Bible. I often have it out on the table where my children see me with it.)
- Drink coffee (only partly kidding)
- Date your spouse. Fun times and romantic times with my husband were too few not that long ago, and we suffered for it. We’re prioritizing our relationship more, and it’s making a huge difference. We’re connecting more and finding it easier to be “on the same team” in parenting.
- Take time for a personal hobby. Having time for my own hobbies (like sewing, digital design, even meeting up with friends once or twice a month) has made a difference for me. It’s so good for my soul to have something I can do that isn’t dishes, laundry, sports, or school.
- “Date” your child. Have one-on-one time for fun with them. Get to know their dreams, fears, challenges, and personality.
- Talk about relationships and human sexuality with your child. Help them grow up with a solid foundation of truth and goodness and beauty, and God’s amazing design for love. This is a habit because it’s not a “one and one” sex talk. Make a habit of talking about healthy attitudes about the body and relationships often. I’ve been surprised how easy it becomes once I start to take advantage of the opportunity, and how my daughter has been receptive.
- Journal to/with your teen, especially girls. I’ve found this is a lovely way to foster open communication and connect with my girls.
- Run. Exercise. Get outside and be active. Endorphins are amazing. Keeping myself healthy physically does wonders for my mental strength, and the example I set for my kids simply by caring for myself is one that (God-willing) will stick with them for life. Another bonus? My kids are growing into shared fitness goals with me. I’ve run 5K races with three of my children, and at least two of them want to do more. My 12 year old also wants to train for a 10K once her soccer season ends. It’s amazing to share a goal, to work towards something together, to meet a healthy challenge and bond together. I can’t say enough for how developing a fitness habit has changed me for the better as a woman/wife/mother, and the benefits it’s having on my entire family.
Even if your children are teens already, these are great habits. I didn’t realize how important running and exercise are to me until after my oldest became a teen. I hope at least one of these will inspire you, and make a difference in your life like they have for me.
