Love’s Calling: Talking Vocations with Your Family {a series}
Many people mistake our work for our vocation. Our vocation is the love of Jesus. –Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
Vocations. So much more than just a job, more than work, as Blessed Teresa reminds us, more than an education plan in college, more than what we do for a paycheck to get by in life. Our vocation is about how we love Jesus. Isn’t that a beautiful and simple way to start the conversation with our kids?
It’s a conversation I’ve barely touched on with my little brood. My oldest is only 10, but I still think it is important to start sowing the seeds about vocations. If our children only dream about a job, a career, a great hobby, a perfect house, then they are going to miss the bigger (and more exciting, more important!) picture. If we are serious about raising our children in the faith, and giving them the foundation they need to ground them in the faith and guide them into adulthood, then we also need to be open about vocations, and support them in listening to the call.
“Christian revelation presents the two vocations to love: marriage and virginity. In some societies today, not only marriage and the family, but also vocations to the priesthood and the religious life, are often in a state of crisis. The two situations are inseparable: “When marriage is not esteemed, neither can consecrated virginity or celibacy exist; when human sexuality is not regarded as a great value given by the Creator, the renunciation of it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven loses its meaning”. A lack of vocations follows from the breakdown of the family, yet where parents are generous in welcoming life, children will be more likely to be generous when it comes to the question of offering themselves to God: “Families must once again express a generous love for life and place themselves at its service above all by accepting the children which the Lord wants to give them with a sense of responsibility not detached from peaceful trust”, and they may bring this acceptance to fulfillment not only “through a continuing educational effort but also through an obligatory commitment, at times perhaps neglected, to help teenagers especially and young people to accept the vocational dimension of every living being, within God’s plan… Human life acquires fullness when it becomes a self-gift: a gift which can express itself in matrimony, in consecrated virginity, in self-dedication to one’s neighbour towards an ideal, or in the choice of priestly ministry. Parents will truly serve the life of their children if they help them make their own lives a gift, respecting their mature choices and fostering joyfully each vocation, including the religious and priestly one”.”
Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality: Guidelines for Education within the Family, Pontifical Council for the Family, 1995 (emphasis mine)
It’s important to the life of the Church that we encourage our children! I know that it will be amazing of one (or more!) of my five children is called to religious life. I’m also pretty sure that if that is God’s plan, I can help them along the way by not only praying for them, but talking with them and giving them experiences to see and encounter religious life in action, beyond seeing the priest at Mass.
But, I don’t exactly know the best way to do this. Growing up, I attended Catholic school, but the nuns were grouchy. Most of the priests were unapproachable. It wasn’t a great introduction to religious life as a possibility for me. (Granted, God didn’t have that in mind for me, but I want better for my children. And I don’t at all blame my parents’ choices for the grouchy disposition of the men and women in religious life that I knew then. My parents gave so much so we could have the best education they chose for us, and I’m grateful.)
I’ve reached out to many friends in the blogging-world and my personal world, asking for their stories and tips. Some are moms just like me, writing their own stories. Some are moms, but are writing about their brothers who are in seminary or the priesthood. Some are moms writing about their children. Some, I hope, will be my friends who have walked the journey to priesthood or religious life, and have advice to share.
For the next several weeks, as long as I have someone to share their story with us, I’ll share a link to the blogger’s page who is sharing their heart and story about vocations with us. If you are someone with a story or a bit of wisdom to share about finding your vocation, please do share! Email me if you want to share a post on your own blog or share your story here. Let’s encourage each other, as we raise up little saints!
Web Resources:
USCCB Vocations page for Parents
Vocation.com
I Will Follow (a youtube video by Ascension Press)
A fun(ny) and playful look at sisterhood:
20 Cool Things about Nuns in Habits
Posts in this series:
Sr. Theresa’s Story by Anabelle (Jan. 27)
Vocation Ideas by Debbie (Jan. 27)
Encouraging Vocations: An Interview with My Parents by Micaela (Feb. 3)
Seven Ways to Help Children Be Open to Religious Vocation by Rita (Feb. 10)
Igniting a Child’s Passion for Vocation by Melody (Feb. 17)
Keeping Doors Open by Parenting with Peer Review (Feb. 24)
Letting Him Call, Having Them Answer by Mary (Mar. 3)
I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the series, Gina. I love vocation stories and need all the advice in fostering them.
Love this series. I haven’t read it all yet, just your post so far…but it is a conversation that is so needed. We have seven children ages 20 to 8, four boys, three girls. Our older children seem to know that they need to discern which state in life God desires for them. I think their openness is the fruit of different things. A few positives that I can name off the top of my head: my husband and I have always shared conversationally with them about our own searching to know (we both deeply considered the religious life before meeting each other and becoming best friends); also, and this may be the “biggie”, we have been graced as a family to live among many other families and friends who recognize the discernment process as a normal part of becoming an adult Catholic. This extended community of ours includes our inspiring pastors and local women religious, who both invite our family into regular fellowship, also fellow homeschooling families and non-homeschooling parish families ~ among whom are young adults who have already embarked, or are about to embark, on a religious life. Just this morning, my 15 year old son forwarded an email invitation he received from a homeschooling friend to join a priest-led discernment group that will meet monthly starting in Lent… and he is inviting his two teenage brothers to join him. One thing that I do wonder about is how our girls, who have far fewer invitations from the parish/diocese to discern a religious calling, can tap into similar opportunities.
How wonderful! Thanks for sharing these ideas and the experiences your family has had. Do you mind if I share them in an upcoming post?
Feel free, Gina.
Thank you, Grace!
I am a complete newbie to the blogging world, so please forgive my ignorance in how this whole thing works!
I have been looking for a place to share what I have learned in the past 2 years, In that time, my son started discerning a vocation to the priesthood (age 17), applied and was accepted to our diocese as a seminarian and started his first year in college seminary (now age 19).
As a cradle catholic, I attended catholic school from kindergarten to 12 grade, plus graduated from a catholic college (in the 80’s). Based on my background, I thought I was fairly knowledgeable on all things catholic. I was in for a surprise to realize that what little I did know about seminary, discernment and the priesthood was either completely wrong, misinterpreted or based on urban legend.
I have searched the internet for resources or advice or personal experiences from other mothers of seminarians, but have found almost nothing. Everyone I ask about this tells me it is needed. In “creating a culture of vocations”, I have found this area to be sorely lacking.
I have been shocked and saddened to find out the almost 50% of newly ordained priests reported that their family discouraged their vocation initially. This data is from the CARA study published only a few years ago. Remember, these are the one who actually completed seminary and were ordained! How many others never made it very far without the support of their family. I have read articles about how Catholics are all for an increase in vocations until it is their son or daughter.
So, for those of you with little ones or older, I hope I could shed some light on the common concerns and objections that a parent may have when a son first begins to talk about a vocation. I would like to share the thoughts and feelings that arise after the initial surprise and pride start to wear off.
I look forward to your feedback and hope to find the right place to “blog” on this topic!
thanks,
Pam
Gina, I will send you an update today hopefully. Somehow, I unsubscribed from following the responses. Hopefully, reposting will send me another email. I told you I was a newbie!!!
Pam
5 Myths and Facts about Discernment
When my son told me he thought God was calling him to be a priest, I had no real understanding of the discernment process.
Being a cradle catholic, I was surprised to realize that all of my questions and concerns were based on misunderstandings, false information or myths.
Although many readers of this blog may be familiar with these facts, please know that the myths are out there. Hopefully, this will be shared with those who need it.
Here are 5 things I learned about the discernment process:
Myths
Once you enter seminary, you are pretty sure that you will become a priest.
Facts
Discernment is a long, gradual process that is ongoing. Many people are involved with helping an individual during the discernment process: spiritual director, vocation director, seminary faculty and others.
Myths
Once you enter seminary, you are expected to go all the way through to ordination. Leaving seminary is a failure, shameful and humiliating.
Facts
“Discerning out” of seminary is actually a good thing. This is not considered a failure or an embarrassment. Others at the seminary are actually happy for the man to be able to pursue his true vocation. Guys do not sneak out in the middle of the night. The seminary community, faculty and peers wish him well. For the rest of his life, he will not need to wonder if he should have been a priest.
Myths
You are too young to go into college seminary right out of high school.
Facts
The Father calls men at many different ages and at different times in their life. If he feels called, he should take the time to discern if this is his vocation.
There are significant advantages in going to college seminary right out of high school. This will be the topic of a future post.
Myths
You need to go to college, date more and live in the “real world” before you go to seminary.
Facts
If he is feeling called now, it is best to discern now rather than try to put it on the back burner or push it away. Going to seminary is not leaving the “real world.”
Seminarians do have a more structured, healthy environment than a typical college. This environment yields more opportunity to focus on courses, strengthen their prayer life, knowledge of the faith and self-discipline.
Seminarians still hang out with friends, go to movies and parties, work summer jobs, drink beer and play sports.
Finding the” right girl” is not a “remedy” for discerning a priestly vocation.
Myths
You should go to college and get a degree. Then if this priest thing doesn’t work out, you will have something to fall back on.
Facts
Priesthood is a vocation that God has designed for the individual. It is not something that “works out.” You can’t put discernment on hold for 4 years just so you can have something to “fall back on.”
Pam
Thank you, Pam!! I will publish this next week in a post. I am so grateful for your input!