In the (not-so) Quiet

My brain basically never sleeps. Even in my sleep I have fits of “important” thoughts, or interrupted sleep which of course means I am no longer sleeping anyway. I usually laugh when my husband asks what is on my mind, because if I answer in honesty, I spew thought after thought in rabbit-trail fashion. Five or ten minutes later, what I started with has morphed into a wildly different thought. Have you ever read, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”? That is basically me. It may also be why Fence doesn’t often ask what is on my mind!

Most days, I am lucky to wake to silence. My small herd of boys rise early and they rose noisy. One always wakes up singing or talking or grunting. The others wake up asking for “brekkist”, arguing, or crying for more nursing. Not long after, I hear the toys. The laughter. The crazy play-voices.

Always there are demands. Chores. Questions. Disputes. Hurts. More questions. “Mama, come see!” Stories. Homeschool. Errands. Meals. Questions. Rinse and repeat.

Life as a mom is anything but quiet.

My soul yearns for some quiet. It’s probably time for a lifestyle and schedule overhaul to make room for quiet and prayer (no more late nights unless I give that time to prayer instead of Netflix). My mind races with ideas for personal prayer time, for creative time, for family time. How to reconcile the need for quiet, the desires to grow and create, the need and yearning for relationships to flourish and deepen in our family?

How to “do it all” without doing it all, how to find peace when there appears to be only noise and chaos, how to seek holiness and God when I’m knee deep in stinky beach and bath towels and moving boxes and homeschool lessons and broken crayons? In all that I do, I still seek Him.

“A married woman must, when called upon, quit her devotions to God at the altar to find him in her household affairs.” -St. Frances of Rome

Find HIM in her household affairs.

Ever since I heard this pearl of wisdom from St. Frances of Rome, I’ve been inspired. Maybe not enough, because I’m still feeling pretty lazy and cranky in the depths of my introverted soul. Lazy, because I’m just taking a “free pass” at this so-called spiritual life and waving the “finding God in the housework” card. I’ve slacked on my Morning Offering (which is amazing for offering the whole day in advance!), and I’ve been inconsistent with any liturgical celebrations or even mentions. (Nevermind that we were moving. It’s been a several months-long desert.) I’ve been cranky, because I’d love be at daily Mass, go to Adoration, read more about the saints (or heck, finish reading Amoris Laetitia). Cranky because I can’t do these things…easily. Have you tried taking 6 kids to daily Mass? Or tried to finish reading a book of substance when there are 20 minutes of the day with no child interaction?

Ok, excuses. See? Lazy people make excuses. Sainthood is not for the lazy, so I better up my game and make some changes.

I kind of sort of talked with Fence about this last week…and well, he’s on board with some things for the family. It’s a struggle, you know? Making changes for a whole family when there are so many different temperaments and ways to experience life and prayer and God? What works for me to know God isn’t going to work for all my kids (or my husband). I don’t know what is going to work, but I am going to try, for myself, and for my family.

We are meant to get to heaven together, after all. Saints Zelie and Louis Martin, pray for us!