Embrace the Ordinary, vol. 28: On Surrender, Trust, and Not Having a Tantrum
2015 has me thinking that my “ordinary” is about surrender and trust. My plans are changing constantly, due to family and other needs. I’m learning to surrender my own plans to God and trust in His will. Aaaand…it’s not an easy lesson. I like my week to flow smoothly and without interruption. I like our life running along like normal without the drama of sickness, late nights, and whatever other deviations from the status quo threaten my peace and calm. Does this make me old? I almost sound like a grouchy old lady. Maybe it’s partly the winter blahs. Or the mid-year homeschool-mom anxiety about the all the holes in our curriculum. Or maybe it’s discontent placed on my heart by God Himself, urging me to seek Him for peace and not rely on my silly worldly plans.
Yeah, that must be it. I was getting pretty cozy in my day-to-day, thanking God nightly for our blessings and such. Then I started thinking I ought to pray to know and do His will in all things. Funny how prayer works. Be careful what you ask for, you know? I mean, we do God’s will. We pray as a family, go to Mass weekly and sometimes even more often, go to Confession, tithe, pass the faith on to our children, follow the Commandments, celebrate the liturgical year, you know the drill.
And God of course has more in mind. He wants me to follow when I don’t wanna. When my kids are whiny and our plans for the day have changed so that dinner is late? Following then means patience.
When the cupcakes for Fence’s squadron just won’t bake right and I feel like throwing cupcake pans and channeling Gordon Ramsey? Following then means just trying again and making another batch, meanwhile thanking my kids for their help and patience while we do this quick “good deed” for some college kids.
When school isn’t working according to hopes and dreams and at least one child needs a change? Realize sometimes change is necessary, take a deep breath, beg God for the answer written plainly, in dozens of owl-delivered envelopes (Harry Potter reference for those who haven’t read it) that just can’t be ignored.
See, God doesn’t want my perfect plans. He knows my dreams and hopes, but He also knows what is better and best for us, according to His plan. He doesn’t even expect (though I am sure He hopes) for me to respond perfectly to His plans. He only wants me to be faithful, prayerful, trusting in Him.
And that is my ordinary, lately. Surrending my plans for His, and learning better faith and trust. I won’t lie; it’s not easy. I’m trying to learn to do this thing with less grumbling and pouting, also. After all, tantrums aren’t pretty in a 34-year old.
“…there is something holy, something divine hidden in the most ordinary situations, and it is up to each one of you to discover it.” St. Josemaria Escriva, Passionately Loving the World[inlinkz_linkup id=492252 mode=1]
I once went to a panel discussion of veteran moms. A woman who has 12 children, some who are homeschooled and some who aren’t, some who have stayed faithful to the Church and some who haven’t, and some who have special medical needs, (including 2 with diabetes!) etc… said she was always putting up with the craziness of her changing life because she always soothed herself by thinking, “soon, everything will get back to normal.” She soon realized, like you, that that doesn’t happen 🙂 God was changing her plans and her new personal motto became “THIS is my new normal.” I think about that often when things start to get crazy around here and all my plans and strategies and goals aren’t happening, and I thought of it when I read your post.
Prayers and hugs headed your way as we, and I know, many other women, strive to embrace the changes God might be throwing at us, knowing that he gives us the circumstances HE desires for us to achieve holiness. (for ourselves AND our families!) When I start to think about that in the midst of chaos, difficulties, and change, I’m able to embrace it better – it might not be what I had planned, but it’s what God thinks is best, so I’ll make it my new normal 🙂
(sorry I wrote a book 🙂 )
😉 Thank you for sharing that. It is good to know that “THIS is my new normal” is a common feeling among mothers! You’re so right, all these things are meant to draw us to holiness. The tantrums have to got to go, though. 😉
Yes, being 34 also, I can confirm that my tantrums aren’t pretty at all. You write beautifully to the difficulty of offering up those ordinary, annoying, frustrating moments.
Thank you! It’s certainly a work in progress, offering up these moments…
I think this is completely a part of being a Mom! Having to put off doing things I want to do, and having to step over toys and a messy house is what gets my patience to zero level, but sometimes I just have to sigh and step over things (literally or not), and just get on with the day, and tell myself that we will tackle that task later…It’s a constant reminder to the older girls to step up and clean up. When the kids notice my other-than-smiling face, they always in unison, proclaim “today is going to be a good day!” which most often than not, works to remind me not to fret the small stuff.
I know however, that God is all day calling me to spend more time in prayer, but like a willful child, I say NO!, but the adult in me, knows that it’s best for me, yet….. how hard it is to comply because I would rather do something else. As I woke up the other morning, and the light was dimly streaming through the blinds, my attention was taken to a potted plant in my room- and all of itself was leaning, reaching with all it’s might it seemed to me, towards the morning light, that was still able to penetrate through the blinds- trying to get all the sun it could. And it sent a surge of happiness through me because the plant looked HAPPY!
I thought- that’s what I need to be like, even a plant knows it needs sunlight to thrive and grow, I need to be like that plant, and reach out to the sunlight. And today, being the Presentation of the Lord, Candlemas, it’s a good reminder (if only I choose to accept), the Light of the World!
I relate to your posts so often, and this one was not any different! I suppose these little things are augmented in homeschooling families… trying to juggle running a house, and a school, but the rewards I believe, at least for us, will be worth it!
Surrender and trust are so hard. I’ve felt rocked these past few months with my injury which I’m still trying to make sense of, but the wisdom of the saints has really carried me so much. Especially when things get tough. So grateful we have their lives and journeys to help us along our way! You’re doing an amazing job, Gina. It takes so much humility to be able to stop and tend to the needs of those in our homes. Praying for you and all the decisions that are to come surrounding school and whatever changes are needed. Hugs and prayers!
Oh, such a challenge! And so true that God doesn’t want our perfect plans. Thank you for sharing this so openly.