Chores, Character, and Treasures

I bet if you ask all the parents you know about a chore system, you would get a different answer from each of them, and maybe even more than one idea from some. Allowance, same thing. Some parents give it, others don’t. Those that do have various systems of doing it. Then there are the parents that do character and virtue training, instilling foundations of obedience, love, patience, attentiveness, etc in their children in a concrete and intentional way. I’ve thought it all over for a few years, and for now, have come up with a working system.

Charts and I don’t get along. I hate them. I forget to mark things off. I start with one chart that seems good, then it’s missing something or has too much and I go looking for something else. Most of all, I forget to use them. It’s not in my personality to use charts and be organized like that.

Allowance? Well, Fence and I never have felt like our kids “needed” an allowance to earn money. They receive birthday money, and we have piggy banks for saving (which also sort the money by “save”, “spend”, “donate”, and “invest”). In addition to that, they are young for spending money often if ever. The concept of doing something to earn a dollar (which still has little meaning–but we’re working on it!) is not the clearest. And, Fence and I have felt that if there is a chore to be done, they should be doing it anyway because they are a part of the family. Since that is what we believe and are teaching, then why pay them for something they should do anyway? They aren’t old or big enough for the “odd jobs” which might earn a few extra dollars (washing the car, for example). Thus, no allowance here.

And for character and virtue “training”, I feel the same way. I can’t narrow a focus on one single trait at at time and neglect the others, when all of them need work *right now*. (Of course that is personality, too. Obedience, listening, love, generosity, etc…they are all so important that I can’t choose one and leave the rest!)

I decided to put a magazine clipping to use. A year or so ago, I pulled a page from Family Fun or Parents magazine. The article was about a mother who was tired of charts and the like, and came up with something novel. Her kids were on the honor system, adding a marble to a jar for every chore they completed. Once the jar was full to a point, they earned something. I figured I could make this work for us (especially since our Lenten sacrifice jar worked so well!) with plastic beads and pretty jars.

How does it work? For every chore completed, every good deed done for a family member, the kids put a bead in their jar. If they do it without being reminded, they might get two. If they complain or grumble or give me attitude…no beads. It works for school work, too. Each lesson completed without a fuss earns a bead. See how it all is working together? Obedience, cheerfulness, listening, respect, kindness and love towards family are all included! So far, the kids have earned a few things, like small water color paints and Chick-Fil-A for lunch.

For the extra jobs that need to be done but aren’t daily tasks, like laundry and dishes are, I have a “job jar”. Slips of paper with a small and easy to complete job are in the jar. Each day, each child (even the little Comedian!) pick a paper and do the job. Do it well without no whining, get a bead.

I have started thinking of them as “storing up treasures in heaven” jars. The beads look pretty, like jewels almost. Not earning money = no earthly treasure. Earning beads for kindness and cheerfulness and quick obedience = sacrifice, love, and treasure in Heaven.

Treats once in a while for so much work done well = encouragement to keep it up.

Yes, we sometimes forget to add beads to the jar, but the work still gets done. That is part of the beauty of it. They are learning that they are expected to be helpful, and that when they are, the reward is greater than money. The rewards are internalized: knowing a job was done well, being recognized for it, having kindness acknowledged…and those are the lasting lessons that (hopefully) will keep them motivated for a lifetime.