2020: Being Present At the Foot of the Cross

Some people have a habit of choosing a guiding “word of the year”, for inspiration, encouragement, or simply for fun. The trend didn’t “catch” me until two years ago, when I walked into our home church at the end of the year, and the word “courage” rang so clearly in my heart that I knew the Holy Spirit wanted me to pray with courage in the coming year. Since then, I “choose” a word if the Holy Spirit places one on my heart.

At the end of 2019, “presence” felt like the word for me in 2020. Here is what I reflected upon in September, on the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. (originally posted on Instagram)

Pretty much feeling like I’m at the foot of the cross lately. Maybe you are, too. Walking with loved ones who are suffering. Watching our communities fall into shambles with fighting and (literal) fires. Also the natural disasters…

It’s all so heavy.

I don’t want to be here, at the foot of the cross. I don’t want to keep carrying the burden.

When will it all stop?

Only the Father knows. 

And until then, I’m still a sojourner. Still an exile from the Promised Land. Still waging battles even though I trust that He has already WON.

He asked me to be present this year, to abide. I had more of a peaceful rest in mind than abiding in the sorrows.

But here I am. Here were are. At the foot of the cross. All through Lent and Ordinary Time.
But the Cross brings redemption. The Cross shows us the Way. 

So I’ll abide here. It is the Way. He is the Truth. He is the Life. 
+ Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, 2020 +

September 14, 2020, originally posted on Instagram @somedaysaints

And now at the end of the year, the cross remains. It must; the struggle and suffering are part of the human experience, and in many ways, suffering is the Lord’s invitation for us to rely ever more upon His strength and grace rather than our own.

My “presence” this year has been at the foot of the Cross. It’s been spent walking along side loved ones in pain, in hours upon hours of prayer at church (thank the Lord our priest offered daily Adoration during COVID shutdowns) and at home, in tearful moments just holding a rosary for the comfort of our Blessed Mother.

There’s nothing about this year that I could have handled on my own. My strength and peace in trials are His. Only by this grace can I look at suffering and choose hope.

At Mass for the Feast of the Holy Family, the homily confirmed for me how sorrow and joy mingle. The Deacon highlighted how joy and sorrow are linked. “The birth {a joyful time} of Christ is linked to the death of Christ; he was born to suffer and sacrifice for us.” And this is true not only for Jesus, but also Mary and Joseph. By extension, if the Holy Family knew suffering and also grace from God in the midst of suffering, so too will we.

Mary and Joseph abided with Jesus through suffering. From escapes to Egypt, whatever every day struggles families faced in their time, to the fear and grief Mary and Joseph must have felt when Jesus remained in the temple, they were never far from our Lord during trials.

The homily ended with, “Remember the closeness of the cross to the crèche; look to Mary, Jesus, and Joseph, and how they walked in faith and love even so near to the suffering of the cross. When we feel overwhelmed, see their example and follow the way of trusting in God with faith and love.”

Of course they knew suffering; and also incredible joy. They knew joy because they had the Lord in their midst. They knew joy that came not from worldly comfort and security; it came from total surrender to the Lord’s will with perfect trust in His loving providence.

Abiding with the Lord in suffering this year has surely not been easy. Nor always joyful, to be honest, and I’d rather the path the sainthood looked cheerier and less painful.

But this was 2020. It’s doubtful anyone avoided suffering. And yet, hope remains. Joy can be ours. It’s still Christmas (the 7th day of Christmas today, December 31), and there’s still time to praise Him for the blessings of the year. There’s still time to wonder at the Incarnation and the birth of the Son of God. Painful as the suffering of the year may be, He promises to be with us, always (Matthew 28:20). He is, after all, Emmanuel–God With Us.